In the Thick of Things

It's the end of May. We're about 2 weeks out from closing on the house and moving. 

This weekend, we rented a dumpster. This is part of the process of letting go, I suppose. What things do we keep? What things do we ditch? How much is the sentimental value of the thing versus how much energy to pack and move and store and unpack it?  The more time we spend cleaning things out, the more I'm channeling my inner Marie Kondo- less and less of it sparks joy.

It's also doing the work of shifting from "home" to "house" again... a backwards process. Less and less of it is "ours" as we put what's ours into boxes. More and more, I think, "How does this fit into our world moving forward? Is this a 'next chapter' thing?"

I'm having a hard time imagining life really being different after we move. I know intellectually that things are going to be different, but after spending my entire adult life in the work-sleep-work routine, it's tough to picture what it may be like to have time to myself. I'm daydreaming about my new sewing room and having time to spend there.  I'm looking forward to bike rides, and dog-walking, and beach time.  I'm really looking forward to not setting the alarm for 6:30 AM anymore!

This is an interesting time of both rediscovering and reinventing who we are. There are a lot of goodbyes coming in the next few weeks and that's hard.  I'm trying to focus some on the hello's that are ahead, too.  I'm not leaving this life behind as much as weaving it into a new one, and every item I pack into a box is part of that weave.

I already can't wait to have my friends come visit and the new house isn't even built yet!

The days are long, the weeks are short, the months are flying by.

Sometimes, I measure time in "how many left". How many Fridays? How many chiropractor appointments? How many more of these painful Tuesday morning groups?

Sometimes, I measure in "didn't I JUST.." Didn't I just fill my weekly medicine sorter? Didn't I just cut my nails? Didn't I just pay that bill?

And sometimes, I measure in "it's going so fast". We're running out of time to pack. We're running out of time to get the porch fixed. We're running out of time to get in all the appointments we still need to make.

And a lot of the time I feel double booked: how can I fit more into less time?

Time truly is relative.

One thing that I have to get better at is letting things happen in their time. Not stressing out about things I can't actually do anything about yet. Remembering that things always fall into place, and they don't all need to happen at once. That's hard for me.

I suppose this is a recurring theme: One thing at a time.