Today's post is about tradition.
It's a word that came to me the other day while I was driving to work, from out of nowhere and appropos of nothing at the time. Later, it stood out to me in the headline of an article I came across on the importance of ritual and tradition related to the Lunar New Year. Still later that day, when a person I was talking to started saying something was tradition for them, it seemed like maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.
Okay, universe. When you push that hard to get me to pay attention, I guess I should take a moment to understand why.
What is it about the idea of tradition that has caught my attention so much this past week?
I think the answer to that may lie in the focus I've had on planning for the future over the last week or so. It's always on the back of my mind, but as mentioned in my last post, I've been more actively exploring steps to make this transition. And even more recently, I've been thinking about the changing family roles as the kids start their own families, and how we'll navigate those transitions. This includes the changing of our family traditions as they blend into new families with traditions of their own. What will the holidays look like from now on? How we will celebrate major milestones, or even minor ones? How will we stay connected as family, which is one of the purposes served by traditions?
What I know is that these are things you can't necessarily dictate, or plan, or script. There are certainly widely-held cultural traditions that we observe- birthday cakes or traditional holiday meals for example. And then there are those that may not be quite as universally cultural but are pretty common in our social sphere- choosing where you had your birthday dinner, or opening one gift on Christmas eve, or Friday night pizza night. I know a lot of families who do those things. But a lot of my treasured family traditions over the years have emerged organically. For example, I don't recall any conscious decision that every fall we'd go apple picking- we went once, we had a great time, we kept going the next few years, and eventually it was tradition. Early October= apple picking. Getting a new personalized ornament for everyone every Christmas emerged from being given a gift of a special ornament before Cam was born; thus started the tradition of adding a new ornament for each of us, every year. The way Dad always said, "According to the ancient scolls.." whenever the kids were stumped about where to find those last hidden Easter eggs. (He still says that sometimes, just for nostalgia's sake.)
I think what I need to come to terms with is that, for the forseeable future, we'll be putting aside some old traditions and starting to form new ones. The way we celebrate may look different from afar, but we will still celebrate. The way we build family connections may change, but the connections will remain. So family game night happens over Zoom now- two years in a row, starting to feel like tradition.... Maybe I can't bake a cake from scratch for the kids' birthdays anymore, but calling and singing a BADLY off-key Happy Birthday To You is feeling like a new tradition in the works. This is my third February where I'll be traveling to see the kids- hmmm... maybe a February trip is a thing we'll continue?
I don't know specifically what the future looks like, which for me, is a little unnerving. But I do know that the difference is going to be the details, and not the meaning, behind the ways we build our family traditions going forward. And that's a comforting reminder.