Just because it says it on the internet....

I made a mistake.

I asked The Internet questions.

Remember way back early on (if you're a Long Time Reader) I mentioned paralysis of analysis?  What happens when you ask The Internet questions is that you get a lot of opinions that create brain chaos. And brain chaos, for me, leads to anxiety.  So there's my confession for the day: I'm feeling anxious.

(I almost said I AM anxious, but then I remembered my DBT training- feelings come and go, like waves on the ocean.)

What I did was, I found a forum where I could ask people about areas in NC that we're considering for our future move.  

What I didn't do was, I didn't consider that the answers would make me question everything. Which would make me anxious. Which would make me sad.

I read through pages and pages of responses from people who truly were trying to be helpful- and many of whom, actually were being helpful.  I got some insight into the towns and cities we're thinking about. Some of it affirming, some of it discouraging. Much of it very detailed. Some of it pretty contradictory. And one noteworthy response which was essentially pages and pages of reasons why I should never, ever move to NC. (My favorite response from another forum-user: "....LOL what?")

I'm pretty good at reading through online reviews, and deciding what seems reliable and what seems a little far-fetched.  The problem I had this time is that there was a lot of information that was kind of scary- most of it having to do with the housing market.

People said, "You're going to have a really hard time buying a house"- too expensive, too much out-bidding, too much money at risk (WTH with the non-refundable due diligence money, NC?).  

Okay.. probably true. So, maybe we'll build a house.

Oh- wait. People said, "It's not any better to try to build"- too many potential buyers without enough lots being offered, lots of out-bidding (still), time frame could be extremely long before you'd even be able to start construction.

Ugh.

I had some moments of panic. Maybe this is a horrible idea. Maybe we won't be able to get a new house. Maybe we should just stay in Ithaca. 

PAUSE. BREATHE. 

Is this going to be easy? No, but that's not new information, right? I know that there is a lot to consider, and change is hard and scary, and the future is uncertain.

But is is impossible? No. People do this. People move out of state all the time. People buy houses. (Or build them.) 

There is still a lot for me to explore, but a lot of that can't be done by asking random internet people to tell me what I need to know. And I have time.

Remember that- we have time. I don't need all the answers today. I can't even GET all the answers today, there are things I have to be there to see and experience.

And shouldn't this all be part of the adventure? The process? The exploring new places and possibilities?

So the theme of this blog post is: Don't Panic.  

(thanks, Doug Adams)

Channeling my Inner Tevye

 Today's post is about tradition.

It's a word that came to me the other day while I was driving to work, from out of nowhere and appropos of nothing at the time. Later, it stood out to me in the headline of an article I came across on the importance of ritual and tradition related to the Lunar New Year. Still later that day, when a person I was talking to started saying something was tradition for them, it seemed like maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.

Okay, universe. When you push that hard to get me to pay attention, I guess I should take a moment to understand why.

What is it about the idea of tradition that has caught my attention so much this past week? 

I think the answer to that may lie in the focus I've had on planning for the future over the last week or so. It's always on the back of my mind, but as mentioned in my last post, I've been more actively exploring steps to make this transition. And even more recently, I've been thinking about the changing family roles as the kids start their own families, and how we'll navigate those transitions. This includes the changing of our family traditions as they blend into new families with traditions of their own.  What will the holidays look like from now on?  How we will celebrate major milestones, or even minor ones? How will we stay connected as family, which is one of the purposes served by traditions?

What I know is that these are things you can't necessarily dictate, or plan, or script. There are certainly widely-held cultural traditions that we observe- birthday cakes or traditional holiday meals for example. And then there are those that may not be quite as universally cultural but are pretty common in our social sphere- choosing where you had your birthday dinner, or opening one gift on Christmas eve, or Friday night pizza night. I know a lot of families who do those things. But a lot of my treasured family traditions over the years have emerged organically. For example, I don't recall any conscious decision that every fall we'd go apple picking- we went once, we had a great time, we kept going the next few years, and eventually it was tradition. Early October= apple picking. Getting a new personalized ornament for everyone every Christmas emerged from being given a gift of a special ornament before Cam was born; thus started the tradition of adding a new ornament for each of us, every year. The way Dad always said, "According to the ancient scolls.." whenever the kids were stumped about where to find those last hidden Easter eggs. (He still says that sometimes, just for nostalgia's sake.)

I think what I need to come to terms with is that, for the forseeable future, we'll be putting aside some old traditions and starting to form new ones. The way we celebrate may look different from afar, but we will still celebrate. The way we build family connections may change, but the connections will remain.  So family game night happens over Zoom now- two years in a row, starting to feel like tradition.... Maybe I can't bake a cake from scratch for the kids' birthdays anymore, but calling and singing a BADLY off-key Happy Birthday To You is feeling like a new tradition in the works.  This is my third February where I'll be traveling to see the kids- hmmm... maybe a February trip is a thing we'll continue?

I don't know specifically what the future looks like, which for me, is a little unnerving. But I do know that the difference is going to be the details, and not the meaning, behind the ways we build our family traditions going forward. And that's a comforting reminder.

Pondering Perpetual Motion

A colleague sent me this video link recently. She related it to the kids we work with, and the idea that when they're out of class and walking the halls, they're regulating their triggered brains.. something I agree with. The video was interesting.

I think what resonated the most for me was the idea of the healing powers of forward motion. And I would say that moving forward can be both literal and figurative.

This whole process of change for me this year feels like a marathon, and I'm not a marathon runner. I'm not even a marathon walker.  But I can take steps forward. And change like this happens in steps.

I took a step.  I started to look into getting my LCSW in NC. I emailed to find out who I send forms to and where to get test scores sent.  It gave things a sense of "real" in a different way. Once you take that step, well....

I'm not sure what all the steps will be yet, but I do know this: getting where I want to be is going to require that I keep taking them. Hence the theme of this post: Just Keep Swimming.