Thoughts on the bigger picture

As I write this, my condo is literally vibrating from the military helicopters flying incredibly close. They've been flying a lot (although not all THIS close!) this week. Last night, Russia invaded Ukraine. The world can be a scary, dangerous place.

It's also a sobering reminder for me that my troubles are all so small.

My heart is with the fleeing families and frightened children and innocent lives lost to power and greed and corruption and hate.

I was going to write about other things today. But the constant "sound of freedom" makes everything else I want to write about feel petty and unimportant.

Maybe I'll write another post later.

Nothing that a walk on the beach can't cure... or, Best Laid Plans.

Right now, I'm supposed to be snuggling the new grandpuppy in Little Rock.  But circumstances conspired against that plan. And by circumstances, I mean, air travel.

This February break was supposed to be a trip to visit all the kids- first stop in Little Rock, then a jog over to Keller, then hop back on a plane to NY.  I was really excited about this trip.

We dropped Tucker at day care and headed straight to ITH. After a lovely little TSA pat-down (Why? I have no idea.) we settled in to wait for our flight. We were a little worried about having only a 45 minute layover, but figured, eh, we'll run if we have to.

But then, there was wind.

It was so windy (this is where you say, "How windy was it?") that the plane we were waiting for turned around and went back to Charlotte. Delayed, then delayed, then delayed. Oops. But no worries, the airline booked us automatically on a flight from Charlotte to Little Rock the next morning. We waited on a long line of people trying to figure out what to do, and the very nice ticket agent tried a bunch of options but nothing really worked. So, okay, we wait until the plane comes in, we spend the night in the Charlotte airport, we hop a plane to Dallas at 5 AM, and then change planes in Dallas and head to Little Rock... not the ideal, but still doable.

HA! said the universe.

The flight got cancelled entirely. No more flights out of Ithaca today, folks.

We huddled and debated and considered and at one point even thought about driving to Charlotte to catch the plane at 5 AM but by this point it would be tough to make it in time.

So, we gave up, we picked Tucker back up, and we decided to go to the condo and rebook the Pate Family Tour for April break.

I spent hours (hoooooouuuuuurrrrrrrsssssssss) on the phone trying to get refunds and credits- and at the time of this post, am still waiting for American Airlines to fix things (7 to 10 business days to review your request). 

I cried. I'm sad that we can't see the kids. It has been 6 months and I'm really, really unhappy that I have to wait another two months.

Today, we went for a walk on the beach.  That helped.

And all of this has really helped to reinforce for me the need to make this move.  Once I'm not tied to the school calendar, if they say, "We can rebook your flight for Monday.." I can say, "Okay." I'll have more flexibility. I'll be more in control of my own time and my own plans.

I have appreciated that I was on the school calendar while I was raising kids. But now that they're raised, I want to be on a "me" calendar.

I don't know if this post has a theme. I suppose if there's any theme, it's: Everything in its own time.

Just because it says it on the internet....

I made a mistake.

I asked The Internet questions.

Remember way back early on (if you're a Long Time Reader) I mentioned paralysis of analysis?  What happens when you ask The Internet questions is that you get a lot of opinions that create brain chaos. And brain chaos, for me, leads to anxiety.  So there's my confession for the day: I'm feeling anxious.

(I almost said I AM anxious, but then I remembered my DBT training- feelings come and go, like waves on the ocean.)

What I did was, I found a forum where I could ask people about areas in NC that we're considering for our future move.  

What I didn't do was, I didn't consider that the answers would make me question everything. Which would make me anxious. Which would make me sad.

I read through pages and pages of responses from people who truly were trying to be helpful- and many of whom, actually were being helpful.  I got some insight into the towns and cities we're thinking about. Some of it affirming, some of it discouraging. Much of it very detailed. Some of it pretty contradictory. And one noteworthy response which was essentially pages and pages of reasons why I should never, ever move to NC. (My favorite response from another forum-user: "....LOL what?")

I'm pretty good at reading through online reviews, and deciding what seems reliable and what seems a little far-fetched.  The problem I had this time is that there was a lot of information that was kind of scary- most of it having to do with the housing market.

People said, "You're going to have a really hard time buying a house"- too expensive, too much out-bidding, too much money at risk (WTH with the non-refundable due diligence money, NC?).  

Okay.. probably true. So, maybe we'll build a house.

Oh- wait. People said, "It's not any better to try to build"- too many potential buyers without enough lots being offered, lots of out-bidding (still), time frame could be extremely long before you'd even be able to start construction.

Ugh.

I had some moments of panic. Maybe this is a horrible idea. Maybe we won't be able to get a new house. Maybe we should just stay in Ithaca. 

PAUSE. BREATHE. 

Is this going to be easy? No, but that's not new information, right? I know that there is a lot to consider, and change is hard and scary, and the future is uncertain.

But is is impossible? No. People do this. People move out of state all the time. People buy houses. (Or build them.) 

There is still a lot for me to explore, but a lot of that can't be done by asking random internet people to tell me what I need to know. And I have time.

Remember that- we have time. I don't need all the answers today. I can't even GET all the answers today, there are things I have to be there to see and experience.

And shouldn't this all be part of the adventure? The process? The exploring new places and possibilities?

So the theme of this blog post is: Don't Panic.  

(thanks, Doug Adams)